Cassandra

Cassandra and I have run into each other in Columbus more times than I can count.  We have always vibed, but have never really spent one on one time together.  We made today about that, and not to our surprise, we got along extremely well. 

Kristin

Kristin is having a BMI reduction contest at work, so we decided to take some "before" photos to compare to after three months.

Goals For The New Year

Preface: I feel that writing these things down is the first step to commitment.  If I have this as a reference, I can hopefully convince myself that these feelings and insecurities have persisted and continue to feel galvanized to make positive changes.  The most pressing insecurity that I feel is that I am being shaped into a person who I do not want to be.  This can be based on a number of factors.  Instagram has become what Facebook used to be for me: A fake world with contrived personalities that deliver a message to nearly strangers before having a real interaction in the tangible universe that WE ALL LIVE IN.  I by no means wish to quit taking photos, but this platform does nothing to benefit what I want to be as an artist or who I want to be as a person.  IG puts us in constant passive conversations.  

The next significant piece that relates to my unstable identity is my environment.  I have lived in Columbus for five years now, and have fallen into a circle of people and places that I frequent.  I do not dislike these proper nouns by any means, but everything has become KNOWN.  "Known" leaves no room for knowing.  I do not want my identity to be decided by how I dress, who I hang out with, who I photograph, or where I like to drink beers.  Again, I enjoy everything that I just listed, but by keeping my followers informed of these things creates a persona, and consequently, I feel forced into that persona by perception.

Another insecurity that I have finally acknowledged is my mollification of internal battles and an unwillingness to help myself.  I have faced some very real reoccurring feelings (such as those I have just expressed) that I have failed to confront due to my daily focus on the issues.  I allow the day to determine how I feel rather than consider the frequency of such emotions and make a healthy change for myself.

Here are my goals:

1. Give up Instagram for the entire month of January.  Do not look at it AT ALL.

2. Be brave.

3. Drink less.

4. Consume less.

5. Exercise and eat as you know you should. 

6. Be less stressed out and stop pulling out your hair.

7. Consider what you want to do after Columbus.

8. Read more.

9. Seek out a humanitarian endeavor.

Denver

Today Solly and I ate some gummies and walked around Denver for a few hours.  The entire day has been an emotional and physical trip for both of us.  With the dawn of the new year sitting heavy on our shoulders, we hashed out the battles we have faced with in the past year.  Specifically, battles fought against our internal dialogues and corrupt politicians, against living too personally or too compassionately, and against time and change.  Our only option is to move forward and seek internal strength to combat what we don't like and to utilize what we love.

Evergreen, Colorado

Hiking today with Talia, Solly, Zoe, and Coco (the dog).  Some of these photos were taken by Solly.

Nathan

Yesterday happened with no plan, and it worked out in our favor.

The Cover Story

just had to write this down because I have an idea

Litmas Party

'Twas lit indeed.  It feels good to get back into flash photography in a party setting.  When I first discovered my love for photography, I wanted to be a party photographer.  Nothing is more telling than those candid/wasted/I-won't-remember-this-tomorrow style photos.  I will do more of this, I promise.

Subterfuge

I feel forced into an equivocal demeanor, in an effort to relinquish any evidence of what lies subsurface.  If you peer over the edge, you'll find a canyon, barely visible behind the furtive tricks of the sun and the colors that your mind fools you into believing are there.  The cavity is pervasive, with bleak chance of observing the theoretical end.  Yet, in that cavity walks a soldier of prevaricative intention.  Is the soldier trying to get out or trying to stay in?  

I Left Behind Pieces of Me in Germany

Somewhere else isn't here.  Someone else isn't me.  The books on my shelf are crooked, missing items. They'd stand upright if they were all here. 

Nobody's Home (Kyle & Julie)

We took over Julie's parent's future home and made it our giant creative studio.

Sehnsucht/A Different Blue

I remember how it felt to stare out of the train window at an unusually blue-toned world.  I've seen the blues of the Western World, but on that side of the Atlantic, blue has an entirely new identity. It felt like walking to the edge of the pier when no one else is around, lying on your back, and convincing yourself that the upside down perspective is the rightside up.  It is not sadness that I feel when I remember that blue, but more so emptiness.  Vastness.  Sehnsucht. 

King Khan

While I am still working for free, I say a fervent FUCK YES to free shows on a Tuesday night.  Thank you Kahlil for bringing me into your punk rock scene and for stamping my hand.

Talia

You made fun of me for crying during Forrest Gump on Thursday, but I'm not mad. My sister, my muse, my inspiration; I love you no matter what.

Danni

Impromptu photos with Dan in the rain.

Peas & Carrots

I got to spend the day with my loves, Solly and Nikki (and Nikki's boyfriend, Pat). We stumbled upon one of my favorite bandos, the Ivex factory.  Two hours of laughter weren't enough.  I wish I could spend every day with you two.

Without Feedback

What would Instagram be without feedback?  This is a question that many of us should ask ourselves.  We all love those validating likes and comments that make a photo worth posting.  The meaning of a photo has been transformed in this medium.  Julie and I want to strip the superficial, five-second-attention-span of the IG photo and take it back to its primitive roots.  

One passage by René Magritte comes to mind:

"A painting hanging on the wall may be a disturbing factor; this disturbance is only superficial; it is caused by life; it is inevitable; fated; in the deepest sense it is order: law. There is nothing more peaceful than a plain surface, but the life of a good picture is more precious than the wall's silence. The train does not spoil the scenery." 

Good photography demands reaction. Like the train that cuts across the landscape, it must cause some form of disturbance that transports the viewer to a psychologically significant place. Photos, or art for that matter, does not demand feedback.  Photography should be something that happens to the viewer.  Feedback is trivial to the power of the photo. 

(I will make a point to say that we naturally enjoy feedback, but my point is that it is inessential to photography and should hold no importance when deciding whether a photo is "good" or not.  The value is determined by the utility.)

Also, these photos are not good lol just including them because they were documented during the creative process.